Our New President: Nancy Pelosi

Educated Press September 18, 2008. Breaking News. Henry Heimlich. This evening at 6:30 P.M. President of the United States, George Bush, and Vice President of the United States, Richard Cheney, were kidnapped in the middle of a reception for the president of Uganda by the Swassian ambassador and his wife. The Swassian ambassador was talking with President Bush while his wife made her way to Vice President Cheney. Simultaneously, they pulled out small unusually shaped pistols and put them to the respective heads of the president and vice president. The Swassian ambassador shouted that the weapons were lethal and he and his wife would not hesitate to use them. Secret Service agents immediately pulled their weapons out and surrounded the president and vice president. President Bush said "Everybody stay calm and we will resolve this situation. Men put away your weapons so that no one gets killed, especially me."
The Swassian ambassador and his wife slowly maneuvered their respective captives until they were all together. The ambassador shouted, "Nobody gets in our way or they both get killed." A bright white beam suddenly surrounded the four of them and, to the amazement of the hundreds gathered at the reception, they all disappeared. What the people inside the reception did not know was that a large flying saucer had suddenly appeared over the White House. Planes had been scrambled and were in the process of intercepting the saucer when it moved upward at an extraordinarily high rate of speed into the outer atmosphere and then it was gone.

Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice, and Secretary of Defense Robert Gates were seen huddled together immediately after disappearance of the president and vice president. Senate majority leader Harry Reid, also in attendance at the reception, soon joined the conferring parties. Condoleezza Rice was handed a portable microphone and told everyone present that they would be detained for questioning and held into the room until further notice. At that point Condoleezza Rice, Robert Gates, and Harry Reid left a main ballroom and hurriedly walked with a cordon of Secret Service agents to the oval office. They were soon joined by the Secretary of the Treasury, Secretary of Health, head of Homeland security, and Karl Rove.

Two hours later Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice went to the White House press room and read the following statement."At approximately 6:30 p.m. this evening President of the United States George Bush and vice president of the United States Richard Cheney were kidnapped by aliens posing as the Swiss ambassador and his wife. They were apparently beamed from inside the White House ballroom to a flying saucer located above the White House. The saucer flew into outer space at speeds exceeding 100,000 mph and then disappeared from all ground and satellite radar screens. I have conferred with secretary of defense, Robert Gates, and Harry Reid, Senate Majority Leader, and other members of the Cabinet, and we all agree that according to the presidential succession act of 1947 that since there is neither a President nor Vice President to discharge the powers and duties of the office of President, then the Speaker of the House of Representatives shall, upon his resignation as Speaker and as Representative in Congress, act as President. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi will arrive at the White House within the next hour and be sworn in as president of the United States. May God save America."