In a radical break with tradition, Senator Barack Obama challenged Senator John McCain to a game of one-on-one basketball to determine who would be the next president of the United States. In view of his slight age advantage, Obama is willing to give McCain a three basket head start. The game will be refereed by Rush Limbaugh, with the Reverend Al Sharpton as backup. One of the conditions of this game is that both senators will donate all of the campaign contributions which they will no longer need to spend to the United States treasury in an effort to solve the fiscal crisis confronting this nation.
Most people view Senator Obama's age advantage as a major factor in making him the overwhelming favorite. However, McCain has said off the record that he will body check Obama off the court. Furthermore, if the game gets really physical, McCain is purported to have stated that, "I will put some major bruises on Obama." When Obama heard this he is reported to have laughed and said, "That dude will never lay a hand on me." In order to sharpen up his game Senator McCain is reportedly working out with the Boston Celtics under the special tutelage of Paul Pierce. Pierce will also be able to help the senator interpret any gang signs that Senator Obama might be inclined to use.
Senator Obama has been working out with the USA women's Olympic basketball team. His wife Michelle has been at every workout and monitoring his progress very closely. Excitement about this game has risen to a fever pitch, even eclipsing the anticipation for the Olympics. Dick Vitale has been selected as the play-by-play announcer, and Magic Johnson and Charles Barkley will provide commentary at halftime. Stay tuned for further announcements.