Sunday, May 11, 2008

President Bush’s Secret Election Surprise*

Americans are gearing up for a bitter campaign between Senator Obama and Senator McCain to decide who will become the next president of the United States on November 4th. Right? Wrong!

Within the last 24 hours my secret operative Yusef Ben Schwartz, the only Islamic-Jewish resident of Georgetown, placed into my hands a secret plan to extend the presidency of George W. Bush. The plan is bold in its audacity and changes the history of America forever. On October 23rd, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Admiral Mike McMullen will announce that five Iranian gunboats attacked the US fleet in the Strait of Hormuz by firing torpedoes on two frigates. He will further state that the frigates returned fire and destroyed all the gunboats. Simultaneously, President of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and United States Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice will declare that a state of war exists between the United States and Iran.

An emergency meeting at the United Nations will be called on October 26th in an effort to head off a war between Iran and the United States and will prove unsuccessful. Both nations will give each other 24 hours to apologize for its warlike actions. On October 28th Iran will launch missiles at the US fleet and at Israel. The United States Navy will intercept the missiles but one of the nuclear missiles will land in the Negev in Israel. Israeli missiles will strike several military targets in Iran as will several dozen US cruise missiles. Pillars of smoke will be visible for over 100 miles.

As a result of these actions the price of oil will soar to over $500 a barrel and create an economic crisis within the United States. On October 28th, President Bush will go to Congress and ask for a formal declaration of war upon Iran and for emergency war powers to enable the administration to deal with the economic crisis at home and the military crisis abroad.

On October 31st, President Bush will unilaterally implement the American Patriot Act which will give the FBI the authority to arrest any protesters and all persons of Islamic descent. Senators Obama and Reid. and Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi, will all be taken into protective custody. All Americans will be required to obtain national identification cards and special gas rationing coupons will be issued to all citizens. Because of the dire nature of the situation President Bush will suspend the November elections and extend his term of office for another two years. Dick Cheney will resign as Vice President of the United States, and assume the newly created post of Secretary of National Survival.

Scary thought isn't it.

*a fantasy

2 comments:

Talisman said...

Ya know, I could totally see something like this happening, and that's slightly frightening.

The Author said...

I thought that all of the "Bush is canceling the elections and becoming a dictator" lunacy had died off already. Good to see that I still have plenty to laugh about in the blog world. I think after this I will look up some Ron Paul and some 9-11 conspiracy sites.