Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Dick Cheney: No One Was Tortured at Guantánamo

In a surprise news conference, former Vice President Cheney asserted that not one single person was tortured or harmed in any way at Guantánamo. To support his contentions the former vice president presented a slideshow of the accommodations and activities that existed at Guantánamo for the detainees. First, the former vice president showed pictures of luxurious condominiums, all with hot tubs and air-conditioning. Inside the condominiums were dark skinned, black haired Arabic looking persons watching television and smiling broadly. When a member of the press question whether these were actual detainees, the former vice president had him arrested and removed from the room.

Next, Mr. Cheney showed pictures of a large swimming pool surrounded by Arabic looking men and women in scanty bikinis. Again, a member of the press questioned the veracity of this picture, pointing out that devout Muslims would never be seen in public with women who were practically undressed. Mr. Cheney asserted that once these men were removed from their native inhibiting cultures they loosened up and adopted Western ways. When a reporter from Al Jazeera protested this assertion the former vice president had him arrested and removed from the room.

The last set of photos showed Arabic looking men shooting pool and playing cards in a large recreation room. Many of them had several empty bottles of beer by them. All of these men seem to be having a very good time. When several reporters rose to their feet saying this was a terrible sham, the former vice president pulled out a shotgun and ordered him to leave the room.

At the end of the press conference the former vice president asked if there were any further questions. In as much as no member of the press was left in the room, there were no questions.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hey wiseguy. So you think you understand what the war on terror was all about. We didn't do enough to the b***** Scum aint got no rights