Russia Wins Gold in Georgia

After disappointments in the men's and women's gymnastics, the Russians went for gold in Georgia. The Russian army synchronized tank units blazed across the Georgian border in perfectly symmetrical fashion scoring tens on all Russian judges’ cards and winning the first ever Olympic gold medal for crushing a neighboring free country. Complaints by the government of Georgia that the tank divisions had no business being in their territory were met with the usual deaf ears of Czar Vladimir Putin.

In individual events, the Russian army also won gold medals for destruction of infrastructure, terrorizing unarmed civilians, and crushing a weaker, almost insignificant enemy army. Celebrations were held in Red Square where Russian generals talked about repeating the performance in other former Soviet provinces. President Bush was visibly annoyed because the American tank divisions had no opportunity to show their precision movements against the Russian tank divisions. He was seen talking sternly to his friend Vlady Putin at the other Olympics in Beijing China.

Observers of the Russian tank divisions’ performance said it hearkened back to their fabulous work in crushing the rebellion in Hungary in 1956. A heartening development was the vigorous protest by the French president, Nicholas Sarkozy, who told the Russians to pull back their tanks or face annihilation by French croissant missiles. This apparently had the effect of moving the Russians back a step or two while they awaited the bake-off in France