Tuesday, August 5, 2008

McCain Leads Obama by 25 Points in Two Polls

Both the Snookered and Travesty Polls latest data show Senator McCain with a 25 point lead over Senator Obama. Major strutting was going on in the McCain camp as a result of these findings. Senator McCain was unavailable for comment, but one unnamed aide said, "We told those suckers who Obama really is." It was difficult to get comments from other McCain aides because most of them were chugging champagne bottles and blowing New Year's Eve party favors. When my roving reporter, Nikolai Stanislav O'Leary suggested that such rejoicing might be a little too early he was called a "Party Pooper."

There was a general feeling of vindication that the McCain attack strategy which had been criticized by many had been massively successful so quickly. Another unnamed McCain source said, "We showed America what a snob that Yalie is." When the aide was informed that all Obama went to Harvard not Yale, she brushed it off by saying, "Don't be a yutz and bother me with details." Two huge posters of Obama were broken out as part of the celebration. One was used as a giant dart board and the other was used as a body twist puzzle. All in all, everybody seemed to be enjoying themselves immensely.

Since no American election has ever been decided by early August, McCain supporters would be advised to keep up their efforts until election day. While a 25 point turnaround seems very difficult, the two polls cited have never been used before in predicting election. As a matter of fact, no one is quite sure who conducted these polls and under what circumstances. Efforts are underway to find out more details about the nature of these polls and their bearing on the election.

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