President Bush Celebrates Successful Presidency

At his last press conference, President Bush described the great successes of his presidency. Even though there was gasping, and cries of foul from most of the press, the president went on to list the accomplishments of his eight years as president of the United States. Among them are the following:

The short, successful war in Iraq that resulted in a democracy being established in less than two years, with a minimum of civilian casualties. The president also cited the fact that the war had come in well under budget, costing the American taxpayer less than $100 billion.

Tax cuts that didn't increase the deficit, but rather decreased the deficit to the point that were it not for the slight recession, budget surpluses would be part of the Bush legacy.

Leaving an economy that was basically sound except for the mild recession, which should not last more than a couple of months. The president cited the excellent work of Secretary of the treasury Paulsen and chairman of the Federal Reserve Bernanke in preventing the housing crisis from becoming more than a minor problem for the economy and the people of America.

The major accomplishment in reviving the status of American manufacturing was the reestablishment of General Motors, Ford, and Chrysler as the dominant automakers in the world. Each of the big three automakers is now thoroughly solvent and have taken significant market share from Toyota.

The president was also proud of his administration's ability to obtain the cooperation of Al Qaeda and Taliban detainees without the use of any coercive measures. Only one prisoner of war was ever housed at the Guantánamo facility, and that person had a speedy trial in the civilian courts.

President Bush spoke at length about his commitment to the civil liberties of all Americans and his refusal to use wiretaps and other covert unconstitutional surveillance techniques despite the pressure from the Democratic Party.

At the end of the press conference the president was given a standing ovation by all members of the press, many of whom shouted, "Four more years, four more years."