Hiding Governor Palin in Plain Sight

The McCain campaign announced a list of places that Governor Palin will be campaigning at for the next three weeks. At the same time they announced the new rules for for interviews with Governor Palin. As of September 7, 2008, Governor Palin will not be giving any interviews with the press unless Senator Senator McCain is also present, in which case he will be answering the questions. In the event Senator McCain is otherwise occcupied, Karl Role will substitute for Senator McCain and Karl Rove will answer all the questions.

The McCain campaign also announced that it won't allow any difficult, ticky, or subversive questions to be asked of Governor Palin. The Senator or Karl will be the final arbiters of what constitutes difficult, tricky, or subversive questions. Furthermore, representatives from CNN, MSNBC. or angry liberal establishment reporters will not be allowed to come with 1000 feet of Governor Palin. The McCain campaign reserves the right to add other subvversive persons or agencies to this list.

Lastly, the McCain campaign made it clear that Governor Palin will contine to unleash hostile, sarcastic, and nasty remarks about Senators Obama and Biden. Anyone evidencing even the slightest hostility to Governor Palin will be shot on site as a sexist pig, even Hillary Clinton.

McCain Campaign Announces Appointment of Paris Hilton and Britney Spears

The McCain campaign announced that two special positions were recently created. Paris Hilton has been appointed special director of fund raising for the state of California and Britney Spears has been appointed special director for relations with the evangelical movement. Ms. Hilton's credentials are impeccable and she is the right person to coordinate contributions from the key state of California according to an unnamed source within the McCain campaign. Britney Spears spiritual contributions to the Republican cause are well known. Her deep religious convictions make her the ideal person to work with the evangelical leaders in an effort to maximize support from this group throughout the country. The picture of Senator McCain with these ladies speaks for itself.

There have been unfounded rumors about misconduct regarding these two sterling young ladies which the McCain campaign sought to squash. Another unnamed source within the McCain campaign was quoted as saying, "The morality of these two young ladies is beyond question." Britney Spears who has been nominated as a mother of the year by numerous organizations, goes to church daily and is a model for clean and sober people in Hollywood. Ms. Hilton’s ability to leverage financial opportunities is unique and there is no doubt that she can bring a fresh, new approach to Republican fund-raising in California. Both Ms. Hilton and Ms. Spears said they are eager to work With Governor Schwarzenegger.