Gingrich, Pelosi, Cheney, and Limbaugh to Star in Remake of Three Musketeers

Havoc Studios announced that its $150 million remake of the classic Alexandra Dumas novel, the three musketeers, will have an all-star cast. Newt Gingrich will play Athos, Dick Cheney will play Aramis, and Rush Limbaugh will play Porthos. The studio was excited that Karl Rove would be the dynamic and exciting young d'Artagnan. Nancy Pelosi will take time off from her duties as speaker of the house to play the important role of Milady de Winter, wife of Athos, reuniting her with her longtime close friend, Newt Gingrich. A major coup for the studio was the casting of Bill Clinton as Cardinal Richelieu. All other members of the cast greeted Clinton's towering presence as the Cardinal with unanimous acclaim.

The Olympic fencing teams from Russia, Poland, and hungry will act as the soldiers for the King and the Cardinal instead of the usual bunch of klutzes who get cut to pieces by the musketeers. This will ensure dynamic and exciting fencing scenes throughout the movie. Gingrich, Cheney, Limbaugh and Rove said they were excited about having the opportunity to clash sabers with Olympic caliber fencers.

The Impeachable Republican Party Impeaching Republicans

The Republican Party appears to the developing a case of impeachmentitis. While Newt Gingrich fired off a salvo calling for Nancy Pelosi to resign, other efforts by Republicans were underway to impeach elective officials. In this instance, the targets of the impeachment progress were other Republicans. According to the Huffington Post, "One of the members in the spotlight is Assemblyman Anthony Adams, whose alleged indiscretion was simple: the budget he supported called for a statewide vote on raising income and sales taxes and car registration fees. In other words, in the eyes of his fellow party members, he had voted for a tax increase."


Even Governor Schwarzenegger has been the target of a recall effort launched to replace him. However, because of the number of signatures needed to oust the governor there is a likelihood of this happening. This process has left Republican operatives and insiders shaking their head in wonderment. The Huffington Post quoted Karen Henretty, a prominent Republican strategist, as saying, "What's happening with Republicans in California is the very definition of a circular firing scored."

With Republicans losing seats in the Senate, the House of Representatives, and governorships throughout the nation, it would seem the GOP can ill afford to kill off its own. However, it would be foolish to make any assumptions about what the Republicans will do next. Fortunately for the Republican Party, Senator Specter left on his own in a drumroll court-martial wasn't necessary.

Newt Gingrich Shames Nancy Pelosi

In an open letter, Newt Gingrich shamed Nancy Pelosi for her recent statements about the CIA and what she knew about enhanced interrogation techniques. In fact, he stated that she should step down as speaker of the house. A careful reading of newts letter provides insights to his thinking, which indicates that they were politically motivated rather than based on a rational of valuation of facts.

The article is a long piece of torturous and ill thought out logic. Some of the best parts are quoted below and speak for themselves. I have made comments about his statements.

"The person who is number two in line to be commander in chief can't have contempt for the men and women who protect our nation. America can't afford it."

Speaker Pelosi's contempt is for the CIA, not for the men and women in the armed forces. The number of people in this country who have contempt for the CIA numbers in the tens of millions. Newt, if you ever get to be president, and heaven help this nation if you do, it would be a mistake to rely on the CIA to make critical decisions.

"It Isn't about Politics. It's about National Security."

Newt, are you serious? If a politician says anything, by definition it's about politics.

"But Speaker Pelosi did not confine the question to the reliability of memory. Instead, she made the allegation last week that the CIA intentionally misled her - misled Congress - and not just once, but routinely."

Again, Newt are you serious? The CIA has a long tradition of misleading Congress and the American people. Start with the Bay of Pigs and the list would cover several pages. Spying is about deceitfulness and the deceivers frequently forget that there comes a time to tell the truth.
"If Nancy Pelosi believe that water boarding was justified in 2002 - just like Porter Gross, President Bush, Vice President Cheney and CIA Director Tenet - the a policy of selectively using enhanced interrogation techniques in carefully circumscribed ways in order to prevent future attacks - in other word the Bush Administration Policy - is vindicated."

Let's assume that nancy pelosi believe that water boarding was justified in 2002. How Does That Vindicate the Bush Administration Policy? Wrong is wrong, and evil is evil, no matter who supports it. If Nancy Pelosi stated she supported the Inquisition, would that make it right?

"She's made America less secure by sending a signal to the men and women defending our country that they can count on their leaders to defend them."

The Bush administration made America less secure by starting an ill-conceived, and ultimately fruitless, war with Iraq and failing to finish the war in Afghanistan. It's hard to imagine it's all Nancy Pelosi's fault. But a man with Newt Gingrich's insight and intelligence couldn't be wrong.

With the Nations Banks still at risk, the automakers still on the brink of insolvency, and a host of other problems facing this nation, it's good to know that Newt Gingrich stands tall watching out for the good of the American people.

Dick Cheney to Star in a New Zombie Movie

Newton Dimworthy, chief publicist for Wildly Weird Movies, recently confirmed that Dick Cheney would be starring in a new zombie movie to be released by November 2009. The tentative title for the new movie is The Beast That Would Never Die and Couldn't Be Killed. Mr. Dimworthy said that Dick Cheney was a natural for the role given his experience during the Bush presidency and his continued defense of its blunders. Wildly Weird Movies was responsible for the box office smash hits Winning the Iraq War in 100 Days and Human Rights Advocacy at Guantánamo.

Mr. Cheney was unavailable for comment about the new movie at this time. However, his press secretary, Insidious Disinformation, stated that the former vice president would be holding a press conference in the near future at which time he would talk about the new movie and eat all Democrats in sight. The former vice president has been making the rounds of the talk shows, mainly on Fox news, The Republican Broadcasting Network, citing the successes of the Bush administration and pointing out how President Obama is leading the nation to into greater peril each day. The former vice president was particularly incensed about President Obama's willingness to talk to the leaders of European nations, who Mr. Cheney had characterized as a bunch of pansies in the past.

With his newfound popularity, the former vice president may be able to stop traveling around in an armored Brinks car, and use a regular automobile. Who knows, he may even be able to purchase one from Detroit if any of the automakers are still functioning

Obama Speaking in Code to Taliban (and Republicans)

During view on MSNBC's hardball, Frank Gaffney, the director of the conservative think tank the Center for Security Policy, accused President Barack Obama of speaking in code, and telling the Middle East that America will submit to them. When challenged to explain this Gaffney said, "when he (Obama) uses the term of respect in the context of a waste bow to the king of Saudi Arabia, for example, and talks about respectful language which is code for those who adhere to Shari'a that we will submit to Shari'a."

In further conversation Gaffney went on to point how important it is for us to be able to understand this code. The question is whether anybody but Gaffney understands this code. Perhaps when you're the president of a right wing Center for Security Policy organization you get secret code books. If so, Gaffney has a moral and legal obligation to share this with the president and the national Security Council. Oh, excuse me. I guess Gaffney assumes that President Obama doesn't need a code book because he knows the gestures of submission.

The Republican right (doesn't that include all Republicans?) was obviously going to jump all over, if you'll pardon the metaphor, everything resident Obama did and said during his recent trip to Europe, and now to the Middle East. The Republicans, as former Vice President Cheney would assure you, are experts on Middle Eastern policy. After all, look what they accomplished in eight years with Iran and Iraq. I ran is still moving towards building nuclear weapons and Iraq after nearly being leveled by internal strife, has a fragile our government that may or may not make it to democracy. Let's not forget about Afghanistan, where Republican policies made it possible for the Taliban to be in a position to threaten

Dick Cheney: No One Was Tortured at Guantánamo

In a surprise news conference, former Vice President Cheney asserted that not one single person was tortured or harmed in any way at Guantánamo. To support his contentions the former vice president presented a slideshow of the accommodations and activities that existed at Guantánamo for the detainees. First, the former vice president showed pictures of luxurious condominiums, all with hot tubs and air-conditioning. Inside the condominiums were dark skinned, black haired Arabic looking persons watching television and smiling broadly. When a member of the press question whether these were actual detainees, the former vice president had him arrested and removed from the room.

Next, Mr. Cheney showed pictures of a large swimming pool surrounded by Arabic looking men and women in scanty bikinis. Again, a member of the press questioned the veracity of this picture, pointing out that devout Muslims would never be seen in public with women who were practically undressed. Mr. Cheney asserted that once these men were removed from their native inhibiting cultures they loosened up and adopted Western ways. When a reporter from Al Jazeera protested this assertion the former vice president had him arrested and removed from the room.

The last set of photos showed Arabic looking men shooting pool and playing cards in a large recreation room. Many of them had several empty bottles of beer by them. All of these men seem to be having a very good time. When several reporters rose to their feet saying this was a terrible sham, the former vice president pulled out a shotgun and ordered him to leave the room.

At the end of the press conference the former vice president asked if there were any further questions. In as much as no member of the press was left in the room, there were no questions.

Cheney: Bush not to blame for economy

When Dick Cheney was vice president of the United States what came out of his mouth was frequently scary. He appeared to have little or no regard for the Constitution, and saw it as a hindrance the implementation of policies to "Make America safe." The question asked by many people was who was going to protect us from Dick Cheney. Now, when he speaks there is a far greater comedic aspect to what he is says. Is he really saying that the Bush administration wasn't to blame for the economy? President Bush ran up the biggest deficit in history and left President Obama with an economic crisis unparalleled since the Great Depression. And President Bush wasn't responsible?

Cheney actually said the following on CNN. "The U.S. economy faltered along with the deterioration of the global marketplace. This isn't something that happened just in the Bush administration or just in the United States, Cheney said. We are in the midst of a worldwide economic period of considerable difficulty here." The United States was at the epicenter of the worldwide economic crisis. Please note that the former vice president used the words period of considerable difficulty. Much of the world to use on the brink of depression and the form up Vice President uses words to describe a six-month tip in the economy.

As the former vice president say what he means war means what he says? It appears that the former vice president knows as much about economics as he did about running the war. Can't we send him back home to Wyoming? Surely this city of Casper needs a new town councilman.

Dick Cheney to be Appointed Ambassador to Klingon Empire

In his greatest display of bipartisanship, President Barack Obama announced today that Vice President Cheney would be appointed as the permanent Ambassador to the Klingon Empire. William Shatner was reported to be upset because he wasn't consulted about this appointment. A representative for President-elect Obama said it was fitting for Vice President Cheney to fill this important post even though it was hundreds of light years from Earth. The Klingons were reportedly delighted that Cheney would receive this appointment because they greatly admire his management style and skills and approach to handling people. Mrs. Cheney said she was looking forward to living on Klingon where she could eat blood worms and other rare delicacies unavailable on this planet.

Former secretary of defense, Donald Rumsfeld, was considered for this appointment, but his decision to spend the rest of his life at a monastery high in the Tibetan Himalayas made such an appointment in possible. The Klingons expect that Vice President Cheney will be the helpful in their tactical negotiations with the Romulan Empire. Both the Klingons and the Romulans have had a long history of bomb first, talk later diplomacy. The Klingons felt that Cheney's background in this type of interplanetary diplomacy would be extremely useful. Vice president Cheney is also expected to provide expertise in the art of persuading prisoners of war to voluntarily tell everything they know with a minimum of damage to their central nervous system.

This is expected to be the first of many such appointments by President-elect Obama. President Bush is being considered as Ambassador to the Vulcans so that he may be able to share his advanced meditative practices. Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice, is reported to be interested in being ambassador to the Borg. After working within the Bush administration for eight years, working with the Borg should be a piece of cake according to an administrative insider.